The title of this blog entry is courtesy of Hank, whom I met recently while traveling. His friend John has this saying (coined by the late Albert Ellis, I discovered): Don’t “should” on yourself! I’m sure you can figure out what this means, but if not I will clarify. The idea is that we ALL, at one point or another, say something like:

“I should have [fill in the blank with something not done]”
“I should [fill in the blank with something not yet done]”

There are many, many aspects of our lives in which this type of thinking can be problematic. Instead of saying that we should have done something or that we should do something, why not get into the habit of ACTUALLY undertaking these desired actions? In relationships, finances, work, and school we all have improving to do. The key is to take the necessary steps to avoid “should”ing on yourself. I can say that I am personally guilty of this behaviour, and in some cases it runs the risk of leading to the loss of some amazing opportunities.

I should tell my friends and family that I love them, more often.
I should open an RRSP.
I should start working out and eating healthier.
I should work on that paper.

I should donate blood.
I should have…I should have…I should have…

Sometimes in life, you just have to DO, instead of sitting there thinking and talking about it. Just do that thing, so you don’t have to later say to yourself that you SHOULD have done it. I’m a firm believer (but for some reason not always a follower) that you regret the things in life that you should have done (but didn’t) more than the things you’ve done (but shouldn’t have). Sure, there will be exceptions to that rule but in general I think it’s the unfulfilled things that we regret the most, especially when it leads to undesired consequences.

What stops us from doing these things that we “should” do? Laziness, self-doubt, over-thinking, lack of motivation, EXCUSES? Believe it or not, there are some people who give all they have to those things in life that need the attention, especially other people. Without expecting anything in return, these people give selflessly in order to better the lives of others. There are no excuses as to why they can’t do something. We don’t have time, we don’t have the money, we don’t, we don’t, we don’t. We love to make excuses, don’t we?

Chances are, you often make time for all sorts of nonsense and spend money foolishly and imprudently. Why not change some of your habits and become the person you “should” be? Follow Brenden Foster’s lead. 11 years old and dying of Leukemia, his last wish was to help feed a homeless camp. Not only that, he wanted half the sandwiches to be peanut butter & jelly and the other half ham & cheese in case someone was allergic to peanut butter. In honour of such a brave and giving soul, invest in others, without making excuses. Try to become less selfish.

Whatever you do, though, don’t “should” on yourself.